In fall of 2003 I read "The Way Of Zen" by Alan Watts and "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass. I began meditating and doing the kundalini hatha yoga routine as described in Be Here Now. I was reading the old testament and I was meditating numerous times a day as well as experiencing hatha yoga at least twice a day. I began having visions of mountains covered in clouds during meditations. Then while in hatha yoga I began to hear and feel light/energy pouring throughout my entire being (light" sounds like divine static to me). One night I was awakened and my body was at one with "it", pure energy. As I walked out into the night I did not breathe for around 10 minutes. I felt a voice say "go and do as you will". I began experiencing other "spirits" and knowing what people and things meant beneath the surface, their intentions. Flowing in this energy I was "taken" to a firends house and after the night had settled down, I began conversing with him and I saw the "bondage" that was laid upon his "soul/being" through words. I then began to see him as a being of light, not good light but a "manufactured" light, a light of bondage glowing from him (not around him but actually as his "skin"). I was led to speak to the "bondage" that was the sheath of "light". Underneath I could see a ring of darkness around his eyes but it was mostly covered by the "light". The darkness looked like the darkness when you look directly at the sun. After about 30 minutes of interacting and forcingthe true light onto his "skin" he suddenly turned dark blackglowing, like the sun. He jumped out of his chair in ecstasy, glowing. I had felt and actually seen him become illuminated because of "its" presence within and through me.
This occurred with two other people in the two weeks following.
After the third person, I started experiencing synchronous events, in the sense that a passing car felt like an "attack/push" at me. I would hear or read words in a conversation and they would have deep emotional meaning to them. This tailspinned into an incredible journey that took me all over the country over the next two months, lost in a haze. I was eventually hospitalized and for the last three years I have been on countless medications to keep me from what the doctors call, "relapsing into psychosis". None of the Doctor's I have worked with think only in the physical realm while my whole journey has been mostly in the psychic, tranlating into the physical.
I am on enough medicine to numb a brain permanently, but recently I have reawakened to the true lightdark. I have been experiencing what a Christian would describe as "spiritual warfare" whereas I see it might be something different. I fell like there are two sides trying to vie for my attention, possibly wanting to use me in some way.


I was used by " " to awaken/liberate/illuminate/free three people from their "bondage". Immediately after these awakening these indivuals lives changed dramatically towards an understanding of what is eternal.

any ideas,questions, comments, conclusions, etc. ?